Topics Explored with Asian clients

For many of us who grew up in Asian households, our mistakes and shortcomings were often highlighted, while our achievements were often overlooked or expected.

Over time, this can leave us hyper-focused on what we did wrong, what we don’t have, and what could go wrong next.

It can create this feeling that the ball could drop at any moment, and we HAVE to be ready for it. Because if something goes wrong, how are we going to recover?

That constant need to anticipate, prepare, and protect ourselves from what might happen is anxiety.

You’re allowed to navigate life without having all the answers. Maybe we’ve just rarely been given the space to learn that it’s okay not to.

For many of us who grew up in Asian households, comparison was sometimes used as a way to motivate us to achieve and do more. Maybe it did motivate us. But it didn’t always make us feel good about ourselves.

Over time, those comparisons taught us to connect our worth to what we accomplish. We start measuring ourselves by how productive we are, by how much money we make , or how much we’re able to get done. Eventually, it can become difficult to disconnect from work or feel okay when we’re not being productive.

We know we’re tired, but taking a break brings up guilt or shame. We might feel like we’re lazy, falling behind, or not doing enough. Eventually, even things that once felt easy, like sending an email can start to feel overwhelming.

We work out less. We stop seeing our friends as much. We have less energy for the things we used to enjoy. We’re just drained.

We realize something needs to change, but maybe are unsure what that looks like

Maybe you grew up in a home where you learned to keep your feelings to yourself. You weren’t always given the space to name what you were feeling, let alone express it. If your faults were highlighted while your accomplishments were tossed to the side, you may have started to internalize the idea that you weren’t good enough.

Over time, that feeling can seep into different parts of your life. You might start questioning yourself, lose interest in things you once enjoyed, or feel like nothing is quite satisfying anymore.

You’re not necessarily sad all the time. Maybe you just feel numb, unmotivated, and disconnected from yourself and the life around you.

Sometimes, you know something feels different, but you’re not quite sure how you got here, or how to feel like yourself again.

You’ve accomplished a lot, but somehow you still don’t feel like you’re good enough. You might look at everything you’ve done and think, “I got lucky,” or “I’m not actually as capable as people think I am.” Even when there’s evidence that says otherwise.

Growing up with high expectations, comparison, or the pressure to live up to what was expected of us can make this feeling even stronger. We learn to focus on what we could have done better rather than taking a moment to recognize what we’ve already accomplished.

So when a new opportunity comes along, instead of thinking, “I can do this,” you start wondering, “ Am I actually qualified?” You might hold yourself back from speaking up, taking a leadership role, or going after something you really want because part of you feels like you haven’t earned the right to be there.

Your worth isn’t something you have to earn through perfection, achievement, or meeting someone else’s expectations. You’re allowed to be proud of what you’ve accomplished. You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to believe that you deserve the good things that come your way.

Sometimes the hardest part isn’t becoming more successful. It’s learning what is stopping you from seeing all you’ve already done.

If you are a child of immigrants it can sometimes feel like you’re living between two worlds.

At home, you may have grown up with the values, expectations, and traditions passed down from your family. Outside of home, you’re surrounded by a different set of values that may not always line up with what you were taught. Sometimes those two worlds fit together. Other times, they feel like they’re pulling you in completely different directions.

You start questioning yourself and ask, “Who am I supposed to be?” Do I follow what my family taught me, or do I follow what feels right for me?

When the people around you don’t fully understand that experience, it can leave you feeling like you have to figure it out alone. You start to feel like you don’t fully belong in either world, or even feel guilty for wanting something different from what your family expected of you.

There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling caught in the middle.

Part of figuring out who you are can mean honoring where you come from while also giving yourself permission to decide what you want to carry forward, and what you want to leave behind.

You learned to respect your elders, consider your family before yourself, and avoid doing anything that might create conflict or disappointment. Putting your own needs first was considered selfish, especially when you knew your choices could affect the people you love.

So when conflict comes up, what do you do? Do you speak up about what you need, or do you keep it to yourself because it feels easier to maintain the peace?

You might have gotten really good at putting your feelings aside, going along with what your family wants, or telling yourself, “It’s not that big of a deal.”

But your parents and grandparents grew up in a different world than the one you’re living in today. Some of the values and expectations passed down to you may still feel meaningful, while others may no longer fit the person you’re becoming.

You don’t have to choose between honoring your family and being true to yourself. Part of growing into who you are can mean deciding which traditions and values you want to carry with you, which ones you want to reshape, and where you need to create space for your own needs.